So, I’ve decided to get lead poisoning the cool way, by ordering inexpensive trinkets from Hong Kong!

Herein lies the tale of Laurel and the worthless junk she uses to fill the hole where her heart should be.

Lucky Cat Bracelet

Neko! Neko! Kawaii! (Yes, I realise that the preceding is Japanese and that in Hong Kong they speak Chinese, but I have a headache, and I don’t know the Chinese words for “cat” and “cute”, so shut up.)

I was surprised, because this bracelet is adorable and seemingly well-made for the price I paid for it. I guess I should just be weary of putting it in my mouth on account of me not knowing what the paint is comprised of. You’d think that I was implying that this cat is full of lead, but everyone know it’s cadmium that’s in vogue lately. Cadmium is the hipster toxic element.

The website says that there are variations on this bracelet you can get. Maybe, I’ll order more, but I’ll have to find someone to pawn any doubles I might get off on.

Light-Up Pig

It’s a pig keychain. Its nostrils light up.

I will attached it to my keys and light up my doorknob.

Bamboo in a Bottle

I’m pretty sure that these bamboo sprouts are going to die. They are in pretty rough shape after spending a month (!!!!!) travelling across Canada.

If they don’t die, I’ll repot them in an actual pot, when they get bigger.

Stars & Hearts Bracelet

I like this stars and hearts bracelet, because it is actually small enough to fit on my weird tiny little wrist.

Sterling Silver?

It’s stamped with “925″, but I highly doubt that it’s actually sterling silver. It’s way too light to be made of silver. Again, a thing that I shouldn’t be putting in my mouth.

Cell Phone Activity Indicator Charms

I bought twelve cell phone charms. Why twelve? Because twelve on this website was cheaper than one elsewhere.

They’re supposed to light up when you cell phone has activity, but the two that I pulled the tabs on didn’t do anything when my Google Nexus S received a call or a message. They blinked briefly, when I pulled the tabs, so I don’t think that it’s the batteries. If anyone knows how these things work, I’d be interested to know. I’ve heard it has something to do with EMF.

Creepy Bean & Empty Bottle

On the website the pictures of the charms their bottles were filled with neat things like shells and flowers, but most of the ones I received were filled with these weird black and red bean things. I’m going to try and grow some of them, but I suspect the weird smelling gel they were suspended in may have damaged them.

On the bright side, I a least have twelve glass bottles with stoppers for much cheaper than I could’ve gotten them from a craft supply store. I’ll fill them with coloured sand, glue a gear on them, call them “Magic Steampunk Powder”, sell them on Etsy and make a million dollars.

Solar-Powered Cockroach

This solar-powered cockroach upsets me. You pretty much have to hold a light bulb right against it to get it to move.

Oil Blotting Papers

These oil blotting paper seem to absorb well. This is good because this darned heatwave is making very greasy.

They’re supposed to be rose scented, but I don’t smell anything on them. It might just be my allergies messing with my nose.

Plastic Rings

These rings are surprisingly small. I have slender fingers and they won’t fit on my index finger.

Squishy Balls

These balls anger me. They came partially deflated. They most have come from a higher altitude than here. It’s unfortunate, because I really wanted to play with them.

For some reason, inside the balls, they have juxtaposed pretty sparkly stars with gooey bugs and stuff.

Anyway, that’s all the stuff that I bought from Hong Kong. I hope you’ve enjoyed this pointless endeavour.

Here have an aside:

I am really angry with Canada Post. My package arrived in Canada on July 3rd. It didn’t get to me until August 2nd. But then it didn’t really even get to me. I had to go to the post office to pick it up. My stuff was packed in a flexible envelope that totally would have fit in my mailbox.

I realise that there was a bit of a backlog after the postal strike, but even then, there is no reason that a package should take a month to travel across one country.

I also have yet to receive any of the stickers I have ordered from GetGlue. Place your bets on whether they have been stolen or lost.